No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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