i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
