we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
