my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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