you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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