Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
