I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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