Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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