I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this just has baby written all over it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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