A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
