i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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