You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
