Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
