How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
