he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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