Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's official drugs can't kill me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
