well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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