"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
