so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You pole danced in your parka.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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