I think my vagina is haunted
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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