Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
