8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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