I wish you could order shots online.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
