so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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