Can i not drive my cunt home
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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