Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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