We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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