do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
