If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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