I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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