but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
