The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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