my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
