6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
