Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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