Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
