we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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