my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
