Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
