He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
