You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
