I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
