none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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