If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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