This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
