I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
