this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
