Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
