i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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