Don't EVER smell your tampon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
