ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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