I want to make a zoo with you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
