I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
