i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
