then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she peed on how many people?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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