Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
are you so shy because you have an std?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize