I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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