If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
