so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
