you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
