so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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