i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
