Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
