Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
