I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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