I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
